The Bard Ceraifiot Hoodwinks The Stable Master Rufus

Profit is sweet, even if it comes from deception -- Sophocles (c. 497/496 to 406/405 BC). An ancient Greek tragedian.

Opening his mouth wide and sticking out his tongue, Rufus the stable master went in for a smooch. "Come on, baby" the horny horse keeper purred as he slobbered on Suri's face, some drool dribbling down his chin and onto the mage's cleavage, running down between her breasts (which were pressed tight against the sweaty barrel chest of her assailant). Closing her eyes, Suri took a breath to calm herself before reciting a minor shock incantation that would knock her amorous attacker on his ass.

Before the first syllable escaped her lips, however, she was suddenly released and shoved violently. Falling backward, the indignant magic user landed with a thud on her curvaceous derrière. "Ugh! What the hell is up with your face?" Rufus exclaimed. "Disgusting" a shaken Rufus remarked as he shook off the bard Ceraifiot. "Unhand me, you middle-aged bieber" Rufus growled, looking mildly annoyed, yet at the same time sick.

"By the gods, it appears as though your face has just about melted off. I think I'm going to be ill". Rufus sat down on a bail of hay and shook his head. "Tis a pity. I mistook you for a 10 when you are but a 4 at best. I would not do you even with a bag over your head". Olaf, who had drawn his weapon and sprung forward, about to swing, resheathed his sword.

Suri, whose glamer had expired, rose to her feet, removed a kerchief from her pocket, and wiped the drool from her chest. "Do not lay hands on me again or I will remove the equipment you value so highly" the angry mage warned. "Take it easy. I aint interested in a melted butterface. I don't care how smoking hot your body is" Rufus replied, sticking his finger down his throat and making gagging sounds.

I've had enough of this, Rufus thought, wishing the strangers were gone. "Back there" Rufus said, pointing to the rear of the stable. "There is a grate that I shovel the horseshit down. It stinks like hell but it connects directly to the city's sewer system, which empties into the eastern ocean. That is your way out of the city. If you wish to bypass the gates, that is".

"It is many miles though twists and turns" Paulina reminded everyone. "We are going to need that guide your stable boy just helpfully offered to go fetch". The gnomish rogue, having grown up in the city, was familiar with that much, at least. Although she had only been beneath the city a couple of times. The vast labyrinth that lay beneath was not a place that very many residents of the city, nor even members of the guild ventured often. Excepting the few established routes in and out of the city. Monsters lurked everywhere, which is why a guide was absolutely necessary to navigate the route below.

Erik the stable boy spoke up again. "Yes, I will deliver a message to the Thieves Guild that a guide is required". "Go ahead" Rufus said, agreeing. Rufus went to the desk he used to keep the stable records and pulled out a sheet of parchment. Dipping a quill into a bottle of ink, he wrote out a message. "Here" he said, handing the note to Erik. "Deliver this and pretty boy will pay you a copper". Erik took the note and, after folding it and placing it in his pocket, departed.

Steve wandered over to the back of the stables where Rufus had indicated the sewer entrance was located. "I aint going down there" Barry remarked, his nose wrinkled up at the horrid smell emanating from the shaft descending into blackness. "I'm with Barry" Steve concurred, his eyes watering as he also examined the grate. "The law aint looking for nobody but Suri. I say she and this guide use the sewers while the rest of us exit in the normal manner like civilized people. We can meet outside the city with the horses".

"Hold on", Rufus interjected. "Your steeds are already sold. And I was giving you a deal, at that". "However", the stable master continued, "I'd be willing to sell your four horses back to you for... let's say 800 gold crowns?". "No way" an angry looking Steve retorted. "We're simply canceling the deal".

"Look, here!" Rufus remarked. "You need to pay me. And you need to pay the Thieves Guild guide that Erik will be returning with. If you can't pay that is going to be a big problem. With me and with the Guild. The guide will definitely be expecting payment when he gets here. My price is 500 gold crowns. That includes a 100 gp cancellation fee for voiding our prior deal".

"Given that you have us over a barrel, I guess I have no choice" Ceraifiot announced, removing a golden ring from a finger. "This has been in my family for generations. It is easily worth 5 thousand gold crowns". The stable master was clearly very interested in this new deal. "That is more like it" he said, smiling. "But don't be expecting me to be paying the difference between my fee and the value of your ring".

"Of course not" Ceraifiot relented. "But, given that this is such a valuable family heirloom, I will ask that you pay the Thieves Guild fee charged for providing a guide". "It's a deal" Rufus agreed. He was very eager to complete the transaction, given that 5 thousand gold coins was more money than he had ever seen in his life.

But then a thought crossed his mind. "I would like to examine it first, however. Just in case you're trying to pull a fast one. As a member of the Thieves Guild, I do have some knowledge when it comes to assessing the value of such trinkets" Rufus said, partially bluffing. He did believe he could definitely detect a fake.

Ceraifiot turned on the charm (magic). "You don't need to see the ring. Take my word for it, this is an extremely valuable piece. See how the emerald's sparkle" he added, slyly casting a minor illusion to make it appear that the plain copper band was encrusted with gemstones. "OK, I'll take your word for it" Rufus agreed. To him the bard suddenly appeared very trustworthy. And he certainly would not dare to incur the stable master's wrath. "I'll rip you limb from limb if you shaft me" Rufus warned.

Steve could see what was going on, but he said nothing. The fact was he found the trick Ceraifiot was playing on the stable master quite humorous. He chuckled softly. Ceraifiot was shaking out to be a better leader than he had anticipated. Despite the fact that he still hated his guts, Steve couldn't help but admire the bard. Just a little.

Paulina also noticed what was going on but said nothing. Though she did worry what might happen when she returned to Wallis after completing their quest. Surely Rufus would hold her responsible. As a fellow Guild member who vouched for her companions. But the gnome decided that was something to worry about later. Much later. Right now departing the city was what was important.

Ceraifiot offered Rufus the ring and he accepted and pocketed it without examining it. He did hold it up to the light to marvel at how beautiful it was first. Then they shook on the deal. Rufus was very happy with his sudden riches. This had worked out for him very well after all. Or, he would continue to believe it had until he removed the plain copper band from his pocket and discovered it was virtually worthless.

Though that wouldn't occur until the charm magics Ceraifiot had employed wore off. So, likely not for several hours. By then the companions would be long gone. Steve and Barry took the horses and departed, planning to exit the city via the North Gate. Everyone agreed they would meet up later at their camp outside the city walls. Where they would also wait and see if William showed up. "If not he will be left behind" Ceraifiot insisted. This was sentiment everyone but Suri agreed with.

"What a strange hold this a-hole has on Suri" the bard thought. Possibly the result of a curse? He was completely baffled as to why she wasn't immediately agreeable to ditching him. Well, hopefully William would not show up. And maybe Ceraifiot could convince her not to wait. Because, if William were taken into custody, he certainly could disclose to the authorities the location they had agreed to meet up at if they got separated. He probably would.

Image: Another installment torn from the pages of the best-selling fantasy adventure opus, "The Adventures of William the Moderate" (posted here after a lengthy delay) as authored by the world renowned novelist, Dervish Sanders.

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A Message From Roger The Talking Canine

Despite the constant negative press covfefe -- A 6/1/2017 tweet from the Moron-in-chief. Sean Spicer says it wasn't typo, but that "the president and a small group of people know exactly what he meant".

Note that this is a recounting of events that took place the morning following my journey to the land of nightmares. So, sometime in late March of 2017.

"If you meditate on it, you will find that you have the ability to astrally project" Roger told me. This was the morning after I ate some bad pizza and had a nightmare. Much of which I forgot. I did, however, remember taking a bite out of a piece of a delicious deep dish pizza, then discovering, to my horror, that it was squirming with maggots. That was after I encountered a winged dameon in my bedchamber, and later, a talking dog.

"I thought that I dreamt you" I told Roger, the neighborhood dog I met before utilizing the portal (one that took the form of an atramentous orb), presumably to another dimension. Although I couldn't remember what happened after I entered the swirl of inky blackness, a mini black hole that transported me elsewhere. Though I did recall the events that took place before entering the gateway. Including my encounter with a talking canine.

I would have written down my remembrances in the dream journal I kept next to my bed, but the dog that wasn't mine was staring into my eyes when I awoke, which distracted me from my usual practice. And imagine my shock when he spoke! I had assumed it was a dream. Yet here he was, telling me that his name was Roger. Despite the strangeness of a talking canine, I took it in stride. It was nothing compared to my experience of having been abducted by aliens, after all.

"What are you talking about?", I inquired, referring to the suggestion that I was capable of astral projection. Being someone who has played Dungeons & Dragons, I know what astral projection is. It is a method by which an individual can leave their body and travel the multiverse in spirit form.

"I detect within you the ability to astrally project. It isn't something that everyone can do easily. But you? I definitely can sense that you are capable of it". I pondered what this canine was telling me for a while. In the meantime I got up, put on my robe, went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. "That is interesting" I finally replied. Roger had been following me around as I went about my morning routine, all the while wagging his tail.

"I think you should try it" Roger suggested. "I don't know much about it" I confessed. "I mean, I've heard about it. But I suspect that, in practice, astral projection can't operate the same as in D&D". "You'd be surprised" Roger replied. "Hmm" I muttered, shuffling into the kitchen. There I noted an empty pizza box lying on the floor. "This must be the pizza I dropped last night. Except I only took a bite of one slice". Where did the rest of it go, I wondered.

"Your pizza was very tasty. Thank you for leaving it out for me" Roger barked happily. "But it was covered in maggots" I exclaimed. "I didn't see any maggots" Roger answered. "It was a bit much for me, however. You might want to check behind your couch. Sorry about the pizza barf".

"Ugh" I said, looking at Roger disgustedly. But he did not hang his head in shame. "It's not my fault my eyes were bigger than my stomach. You're the one who left it there", Roger replied, defending himself. While returning my look of disgust. "I was going to offer you some scrambled eggs, but I've changed my mind" I said, taking a pan out of my cupboard and moving to the fridge to get the eggs. First I picked up the empty pizza box and tossed it into the paper recycling bin.

"That's OK, I've got to be going" Roger said, declining my rescinded offer. Then he left, exiting my residence the way (I presume) he entered. Through the dog door. I had a canine previously, but she passed away a few months ago from old age. I was going to ask Roger if he'd like to live with me, but I guess he had other things to do. I rushed to the door to see if he was still there, but I didn't see him anywhere.

Guess I should clean up that barf. At least Roger told me about it, instead of leaving it as a surprise for me to find later. As I ate my scrambled eggs I thought about what Roger has said. I didn't know if I believed what he told me about astral projection. Something I also didn't know was what covfefe was. Suddenly the word or name popped into my head. I think it had something to do with the dream I could only partially remember.

It wasn't until some time later that I heard the word covfefe again. A tweet from the moron Vlad Putin helped steal the 2016 election. It must mean something, but WHAT I don't know. People who report on such things say they think he misspelled coverage. But my remembrance of the word 2 months prior suggested to me it must mean something.

I did look into astral projection a few weeks later. I was browsing in an old book store when I happened across a musty tome. This book appears to be some kind of instruction manual when it comes to astral projection I noted, flipping through the book. Plus it said Astra Projection Instruction Manual right on the cover.

"Careful with that" the shop owner shouted at me from behind the register at the front of the store. "That is a very old and very valuable manuscript" he exclaimed, approaching me. I could let you have it for $200" the shopkeeper said. "Ah, no thanks" I said, handing the tome to the shop owner. I was interested, but not at that price. "How about $150?" the shop owner countered, seeing the sale slipping away. "I'll give you 20 bucks. Final offer" I countered. "Surely you jest sir. You must not be interested in this historically significant work at all". "Not really" I replied.

Long story short, I got the book for $20, which (I thought at the time) was likely more than it was worth. For several nights I cracked the book and read before drifting off to sleep. It was actually quite interesting. But did it help me astrally project, the ability that Roger was sure I had? The answer is no. I followed the instructions but nothing happened.

A number of years passed and the memory of the encounter with the talking dog and his suggestion that I was a natural astral projector faded. I did see Roger running around the neighborhood just recently, but when I called out to him, he gave no indication that he remembered me or that "Roger" was his name. Perhaps it had all been a dream?

It was some time after that night that I received a message from the FBI. Specifically an Agent Smith. Possibly not his real name. Also, possibly not an FBI agent. This person might have been an agent for some other government agency.

The message? That I was being watched. Surveillance that likely ended after d0n-0ld tRump lost the election and Joe Biden was inaugurated. Americans celebrated that day bigly. At the time I thought that meant that d0n-0ld would be investigated swiftly, prosecuted and sent to prison where he belongs. But unfortunately that didn't happen.

But back to my story. Obviously I recovered the memories of what happened after I entered the portal, otherwise I couldn't have written about them on this blog. Also, While you may have expected there would be some astral projecting taking place following my discussion with Roger, this story isn't going to conclude with a successful journey to that plane of existence.

While you might be thinking that is an anticlimactic conclusion for this tale, all I can say is that's what happened. Nothing. Not as far as astrally projecting goes. Not at this point in the story, at least. Although that could happen in a future installment.

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My Message From The FBI, Delivered Via The Radio Waves Picked Up By The Fillings In My Teeth

One night I came into the Valley over Coldwater Canyon, and I heard music. I reached down to turn the radio off, and it wasn't on. The music kept getting louder and louder, and then I realized it was coming from my mouth. I even recognized the tune. My mouth was humming and thumping with the drumbeat, and I thought I was losing my mind. I thought, What the hell is this? Then it started to subside. I got home and went to bed, not sure if I should tell anybody what had happened because they would think I was crazy -- Lucille Ball (8/6/1911 to 4/26/1989) anecdote circa 1942 (attributed, although Snopes says "undetermined").

This is a recounting of events that took place in 2017. I wrote it up and put it away to be completed later. Though I never got around to finishing it. Now the teevee says there has been a second assassination attempt on the life of the horrible ex-predisent. Hearing this news jogged my memory. If you read the story you will discover why.

According to one of my detractors, I am a "Left-wing nutjob who probably claims he gets radio stations off his teeth". Although I think this person meant off the FILLINGS in my teeth. Some people, including Lucille Ball (supposedly), have reported receiving radio transmission via the fillings in their teeth. Although Mythbusters says it's impossible.

So imagine my surprise when it happened to me! I mean, especially given what my detractor wrote about me on his blog. He meant it as an insult; to imply that I'm insane (confirmed in a comment in which he wrote "his writings on his blog... prove he is insane"). But (at the time) I had not made such a claim. It wasn't until after a visit to my dentist to have a tooth repaired that it happened.

I was driving home in my company car (a 2011 Nissan Leaf) when the radio came on by itself. That's odd, I thought, reaching for the knob to turn it off. But it was already off. It was then that I realized that the music was coming from my mouth (like in the Lucille Ball story). Then, as I turned onto the road where I lived, the music stopped and I heard a man speak.

"We're outside the suspect's home right now" the voice (which wasn't my own) said from my mouth. "This is the guy who thinks he will become a true American patriot and save America from another Hitler by assassinating President Trump?" another voice said. "Yeah, that guy" the first voice said in response. "A Dervish Sanders. According to my notes he is a sad, useless person who could be sacrificed for the cause".

WTF?! I thought, slowing my vehicle. As I approached my home I noticed a black van parked across the road. The windows were heavily tinted. The closer I got the louder the voices coming out of my mouth got. Apparently whoever was in the van was responding to possible threats against the president's life made by some drunk who thought it was his duty to his country to kill tRump.

I accelerated past the van and pulled into my driveway. pushing the button on my clicker I parked and exited my vehicle as the garage door closed. What's going on here? What the man in the van was discussing sounded very much like words written by a troll on an internet messageboard I sometimes visit.

Peering out my front window I saw the black van parked across the street from where I live. While I am surely no fan of tRump and believe his election was illegitimate, and that he could be a possible Hitler-like figure (due to his association with the alt-Right), I've certainly never threatened to assassinate him.

Whoever these people were, their information was clearly wrong. Unless this was some kind of prank. Sitting in a bay window of an upstairs bedroom, I peered out the window. The black van remained for many hours as the sun descended in the sky and darkness fell. I had almost fallen asleep when I heard a voice again. Again the voice came from my mouth. A radio transmission picked up by the fillings in my teeth, I presumed.

"Agent Smith, what is the suspect doing?" the voice inquired. "We are monitoring his internet activity and have determined he isn't online" a 2nd voice (Agent Smith?) responded. "An infrared scan of the suspect's home shows that he's been looking out a second story window for several hours now. I think he is aware of our presence".

Hearing that shocked me. They were watching me and knew I was watching them. Did they know I was listening to them? I thought not. That is, until Agent Smith got on his radio and said "we know you're listening Mr. Sanders. Your home is bugged and we can hear our own communications coming from your residence".

"You want to kill President Trump, as$hole?" Agent Smith said (over the radio), an angry tone in his voice. "No, I do not" I replied (a reply I assumed would be picked up by the just mentioned listening devices). "The message board posting you referred to earlier was something posted by an internet troll that goes by the name of Luke Spencer, although he says his name is Luke Smith.

Several minutes passed. "You hear me?" I asked. "Yeah, I hear you Sanders" Agent Smith answered. "You should be investigating Luke Spencer, not me" I exclaimed. "Sure, scumbag" Smith said. "I've read your file. Seems you have an extremely anti-Trump blog. A blog where you claim that President Trump is both the reincarnation of Hitler and the Antichrist. Just the kind of nutjob that needs to be watched, in my opinion".

Peering out my window, I noticed that the headlights on the van came on suddenly, along with the vehicle's engine. Backing out, the van turned around and roared off. Apparently the man in the van decided watching me when I knew they were watching me was pointless.

Given the fact that I didn't want to walk around with radio transmissions coming from my mouth, I called up several dentists the next morning in an attempt to schedule an appointment, but none had any openings. I went into my bathroom with a pair of plyers. "Looks like I'm getting this out of my mouth by myself, then".

The message I received that night was that I was being watched. Or that agents belonging to a government agency had been watching me. I don't know if the surveillance continued after that night. I have no evidence that it did. Whoever the watchers were. The FBI perhaps? Or maybe the Secret Service?

I think it is possible that they might have taken my tip and looked into Luke Spencer (aka Luke Smith) and arrested him. He vanished and hasn't been seen online for several years. It could be because he is currently in prison. Or disappeared to a Black Site.


So now there have been two assassination attempts. This is what the fake prophet Troy Black said God told him would happen. Now that his "prophecy" has come to pass, the mentally ill trumper known as Mystere will likely see it as confirmation his delusions are reality.

Those delusions being that d0n0ld tRump is "God's chosen leader". I'm hearing that republiturds are saying that God is continuing to protect the horrible Orange Turd. Which I say is BS. Why would God protect an evil man like d0n0ld tRump? My mind has not been changed. God has never spoken to Troy Black and never will.

By the way, I have heard that the most current failed tRump assassin is again, a republican. Ryan Routh voted for tRump in 2016. Thomas Crooks was a registered republican. Yet the mentally ill nutter Mystere says that Biden "ordered" the first assassination. No doubt he believes Joe Biden ordered the 2nd one as well.

Violence and killing enemies is what rightturds believe in. As per Mystere, "The jackal and his hyena sidekick will be taken out very soon by God Almighty". Apparently God himself is going to assassinate Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. Or "take them out". And he doesn't mean remove from office, he means God is going to kill them. You can follow the link and read the rest of the comment.

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Zahra Najjar Qadir Returns To The Al-Qarawiyyin Library

Bing Copilot AI: This is the tale you've been waiting for, the one in which Zahra completes her translation of The Secrets Of The Sun Palace (pictured above).

Dervish Sanders: OK. I thought we might be continuing the story that you sidetracked me with previously. I assume we're going to find out at some point in the future what happens to Bijan and Zahid, given that, when that story ended, they were right outside Fes and on their way to the Al-Qarawiyyin Library. Perhaps they are already there when I, Zahra and Ayla arrive?

Bing: Actually, no. Not when you get there, at least. But who knows? You'll have to wait and see. They might show up in this installment, or I might put that off until later. In any case, let me begin this chapter in your ongoing adventures.

Dervish Sanders, Ayla and Zahra dressed and prepped to leave their villa outside of Fes. "I would like to consult with my former colleague Ehsan about the translation" she said. "He is very familiar with that manuscript I mentioned previously. There is a problem, though. Which is that he obviously won't recognize me". "I can fix that" Ayla replied. Ayla spoke some arcane words. The sound of tinkling bells could be heard faintly. Sparkling motes filled the air, blown by Ayla from the palm of her hand. The dust swirled about and settled over Zahra's body.

Before Dervish's eyes Zahra's appearance shifted from that of a beautiful young woman to that of an elderly one. She appeared as she formerly had before imbibing the youth potion which deaged her from 80 to 20. "That is an advanced illusion spell that will fool just about anyone. It is more powerful than a minor illusion, which can be seen though by those who are more intelligent".

Zahra held her wrinkled hands up and starred at them. "I don't feel old, but I sure look it". Glancing in a mirror, Zahra saw a pruney face staring back at her. "Ugh" she shuddered. "Well this should do the trick. I look exactly as I did before". Zahra sighed, disappointment in her voice. Everyone was ready so the trio departed. Soon they were moving through the streets of Fes, on their way to the Al-Qarawiyyin Library, near the center of the city.

"I spent some time soaking in the Moulay Yacoub Hot Springs" Zahra explained when Ehsan asked what happened to Zahra's cane. Also, he said, her posture was very much improved. That was after, upon first seeing her, a look of utter astonishment crossed his face. "Administrator al-Qurashiyya was very alarmed in regards to your strange departure" Ehsan explained. "But I was promoted to head librarian. Administrator al-Qurashiyya said upon your recommendation".

Ehsan, a man in his early fifties with graying hair and beard smiled broadly. "I am quite pleased to see you, though I hope you don't want your old position back. You could fill in for me, however. I'd like to travel to the springs. I had no idea they were so regenerative".

"No, I'm not looking to get my job back. I have a new position as researcher for the famed adventurer Dervish Sanders" Zhara explained. Eshan looked impressed. "There he is, with his wife Ayla". Zahra pointed to Dervish and Ayla, seated at a library table a short distance away.

"I will absolutely help with whatever you are researching for Sayid Sanders. And, as librarian emeritus, you are entitled to enter the sections of the library that are off limits to the public". Ehsan was very eager to meet the famed batal Dervish Sanders. His eyes got even wider when Zahra removed the Secrets of the Sun Place from her satchel.

"This is obviously an ancient and valuable tome!" Ehsan exclaimed. "Where did you acquire it?" he inquired. "From a merchant in the Fes Bazaar" Zahra fibbed. "I am willing to gift this to the library if you can help me with the translation". Eshan was very eager to help. "Here, take it" Zahra said. "As well as these papers. These are notes that contain copies of some passages I'm having some issues with".

Eshan donned a pair of sheepskin gloves, so as to not get any oils on the valuable manuscript. "This gem definitely belongs in the library" Eshan agreed. Dervish signed an autograph for Eshan and he departed. Though he did inform Zahra that the rest of her belongings were in storage. "I moved into your apartment, and the belongings you left behind were moved to the east storage room. You can retrieve your them at your convenience".

"I'll get right on this translation" he promised, taking the Sun Place tome with him. "Uhhh" Dervish sighed. "I thought you were almost finished. Now we have to wait on Eshan?". "Naah" Zahra replied. "I'm pretty sure of my translation. If you want to be sure, we can wait on Eshan. Otherwise I say it is complete".

"I'll go with complete" Dervish replied, relieved. "But if the translation is complete, why are we here?". "To return library property" Zahra explained. "Also, as per the text of The Secrets of the Sun Palace, locating the Sun Palace within the Agafay Desert is nearly impossible. Unless one possesses the buslat al shams. This is a magical item also known as The Sun Compass.

Dervish looked crestfallen. "No, I have good news" Zahra announced. "The buslat al shams is here, at the library". "Really?" Dervish asked. "That is good news. Let us retrieve it". "It is in the storage room with my belongings. I found it in the library long ago. I would have brought it with me had I remembered I had it. Though I didn't know what it was until I began deciphering the Sun Place tome".

A ghostly figure floated toward them. The former librarian Ibn Al-Hasan had an expression of anger on his face. "I am not deceived by your illusion, Zahra" Ibn announced. The companions, having just entered the library storage room retreated as the specter menacingly advanced. "Why are you angry, Ibn?" Zahra cried. She was quite frightened, given what happened the last time she encountered the ghost of Ibn.

"You stole my youth potion!" Ibn replied. "That is a false accusation" Dervish stated. "You gave it to me". "You lie!" Ibn screeched. "That was my most valuable possession. I would never part with it". The phantom continued to advance. "I am however, willing to deal". Ibn retreated, drifting back into the shadows. "Given that a shabab elixir is of no use to someone who is no longer alive".

"And what if we have no interest in your deal?" Ayla asked. "Well, I've been waiting here, certain that you would return for the buslat al shams". Given that, the last time we interacted, you took the shams al-qaṣr tome. Library property you likely stole. Same as you stole my potions. Clearly you are thieves. I am very disappointed with you, Zhara".

"What do you know of the Sun Compass?" Dervish asked. The shabah smirked. "I know its location. Which was previously this storage room. It was here, though it no longer is". "And what deal do you propose to reveal its location?" Ayla inquired. A chill could be felt in the air. Ibn furrowed his ghostly brow. "My deepest desire is to be freed from the curse that holds me here and be reunited with my loved ones in the afterlife".

"And how might that be accomplished?" Ayla inquired. "Deep within the bowels of the library there is a scroll that can alter reality itself. This scroll can most assuredly be used to free me". "And you know the location of this scroll?". "Yes" Ibn insisted. "My search for this scroll is what led to my death. But even after death I continued searching. And I did, after nearly 100 years, finally locate it. Though, due to my incorporeal existence, I am unable to use it".

Dervish considered what Ibn said. "Doesn't your curse have something to do with The Whispering Stacks?" he asked. A look of alarm came over Zahra's face. "Beware the Stacks!" she exclaimed. That was library lore. A number of past adventurers had descended into the bowels of the library never to return. Victims of a malevolent entity. It was presumed. Zahra certainly never wanted to encounter the Stacks. Nor did she want Dervish and Ayla confronting them.

"Well, you can retrieve the scroll and bring it back here" Dervish concluded. "After looking it over we will decide if we can help" Dervish continued, calling Ibn's bluff. Dervish suspected the ghost was unable to manipulate physical objects. Therefore the Sun Compass was likely present in the storage room and had not been moved by Ibn.

Ibn seemed panicked. "The Katab Shirira will prevent me from retrieving the scroll". He decided that lie sounded believable. "Despite being incorporeal, I am able to move physical objects". "Prove it" Dervish challenged him. Ibn, visibly enraged, suddenly charged the companions. Zahra shrieked and tried to flee, but Dervish grabbed her arm.

Dervish knew that Ayla was prepared. Quickly she completed casting a spell of protection that repelled Ibn, forcing him to flee. "We are protected for the duration of the spell. Ibn may not approach". With Ibn gone, Ayla and Dervish and Zahra began searching the room. "These must contain the rest of your possessions" Dervish remarked, spotting several wood crates.

Zahra described what they were looking for. "The compass is in a small polished teak box with gold hinges". They searched all the boxes, but couldn't find it. "It doesn't appear to be here" Zahra concluded. "I never said I moved the compass, only that it was in this room but no longer is" a distant disembodied voice whispered.

"Please help me" Ibn cried. He reappeared and tried to approach again, but the magical barrier prevented him from doing so. "You cannot enter the zone of protection" Ayla declared. "The Library administrator Fihriya al-Qurashiyya has the Sun Compass" Ibn revealed. "She thought that you must have left it behind by mistake and decided to take it to her office for safe keeping. She recognized immediately that it was more valuable than any of the other things Zahra left behind".

"Now, are you going to help me?" Ibn pleaded. "I don't know" Dervish replied. "The mission sounds far too dangerous. I don't know much about these Whispering Stacks, but apparently they are some kind of malevolent entity that would be angered if we attempted to free you". "You don't want to confront the stacks" Zhara agreed.

"There might be some other way we can help free you from your curse" Ayla added. "Ya Sharmouta! Ayreh Feek, Sanders!" Ibn screeched. "If I see you in this library again you better be here to help me". Then Ibn drifted into the shadows and vanished.

Dervish Sanders: Ibn is obviously super pissed off. If we return to the library in the future, we better be prepared to help him.

Bing: I agree. Anyway, concerning Zahra's belongings, Dervish says he will hire someone to come get them later and transport them to their villa. Then they find the library administrator. Turns out she does have the Sun Compass, which she hands over to Zahra. Although she thought it valuable because it is made of gold. She didn't recognize it as a magical item.

Dervish Sanders: And so ends this installment of my adventures? I think that, if we do encounter Bijan and Zahid shortly, I should task them with collecting Zahra's possessions and transporting them back to my villa. They did say they wanted to be my servants. No way they're going with Ayla and I to the Sun Palace. They are far too inexperienced.

Bing: Sounds like a plan. You might take them on as servants. I agree they'd likely be killed if they tried to tag along with you when you set off for the Sun Palace. That's coming up soon, by the way. But you'll have to wait until a future chapter of your adventures.

Image: Zahra consults other manuscripts while translating the Sun Tome. Forgetting she no longer needs her glasses, she places them on her face. Glancing at the page the former librarian is briefly confused by the blurry text.

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Bijan Ali Burhan & Zahid Abdul Alim Encounter The Seven Fingered A.I. Woman

Bing AI Copilot: Dervish Sanders, I know what you've been wondering -- what happened to Bijan and Zahid, the two young lads that were both wounded when you confronted the goblins that were terrorizing the village of Abu Qilyub? Well, it just so happens that I have an update for you. I call this tale "The Encounter With The Seven Fingered AI Woman".

Dervish Sanders: Wait! I have not been wondering what happened to these two characters. I do remember them from the story you told called The Ballad of Bijan the Brave, but I expected to never hear of them again. Ever. I expected the next tale would involve the librarian Zahra finally completing her work translating the manuscript she had been working on for many months. Followed by Dervish and Ayla finally departing on their quest to locate the Sun Palace.

Bing: Sorry, but I'm putting that off for now. The tale I have prepared for you today concerns the exploits of Bijan and Zahid, two friends who decide to hit the road to seek their fortunes. Trust me, this connects back to Dervish Sanders. I guarantee you won't be disappointed. Now, yet me begin...

Bijan Ali Burhan, an inhabitant of the village of Abu Qilyub, traveled down the road by foot. Behind him trotted his pack horse, a Barb called Nina. Bijan and his friend Zahid were both determined to seek their fortunes by becoming adventurers. They had great success battling marauding goblins that attacked their village 2 years previously. Now the two friends were setting out on their first real adventure.

The reason? Bijan asked the father of his love if he could have her hand in marriage, but he turned Bijan down flatly. "But I am Bijan the Brave!" the young man protested. "Ha" the father, a man named Arham scoffed. "The adventurers Dervish Sanders and Ayla bested the goblins while you returned gravely wounded. It took you months to recover. Nobody believes The Ballad of Bijan the Brave" he remarked, referencing the epic tune Bijan had composed (and performed several times in the town's local hana).

Bijan could hardly believe it. So he consulted with his friend Zahid Abdul Alim. "I have heard talk around town that some people think you made it all up" Zahid confirmed. "Well, not the parts concerning the heroics of Dervish and Ayla. Just the part where you racked up over thirty goblin kills. And the stanza concerning how you saved the life of the fair Ayla. Also your claim that she gave you a kiss as a reward. Nobody buys that".

His friend had been there. He knew that hadn't happened. "Did you squeal?" he asked Zahid. He didn't think his friend would betray him, but he was unsure. "Of course not" Zahid assured him. "That simply was not believable". "I suppose you're right" Bijan conceded.

"I've got it" Bijan said after a moment of thought. "You and I will become adventurers and prove ourselves. Then I can marry my love Yasmin. Her father won't be able to refuse if I can secure a dowry to pay him off". Zahid looked skeptical. "Dowries work the other way. They are paid by the bride's family". "You're right, Zahid. But that isn't happening. Arham didn't only say no, he forbade me from marrying Yasmin".

"That's rough" Zahid agreed. "But my sword arm is permanently damaged. I can't swing my scimitar with the same force as I used to be able to. I had planned to become an adventurer before the battle with the goblins. Afterward I joined my father on the family farm. I'm an olive grower now. You know this, Bijan".

But somehow Bijan talked him into it and the duo hit the road. "We will travel to Fes and join up with the famed adventurer Dervish Sanders" Bijan exclaimed. "If Dervish and Ayla are agreeable, they can train us to become adventurers". Zahid considered his friend's argument. "I guess we can ask. And if that doesn't work, we can beg".

Bijan and Zahaid traveled for one day, then made camp. The next morning they resumed their journey, breaking camp as the sun rose. "Just one more days travel and we will reach Fes" Bijan remarked. "There is an inn just outside Fes where we can grab some dinner before entering the city. I hear that Dervish and Ayla can often be found at the Al-Qarawiyyin Library. Imam el-Moumni said he sent a carrier pigeon there with a message for Sayid Sanders".

"Really?" Zahid inquired. "Yes, that is how he notified Sayid Sanders of the marauding goblins. He received the carrier pigeon message and traveled to Abu Qilyub. We can inquire there. I'm sure the library administrator will know where to find him". "That sounds like a solid lead" Zahid agreed.

It began to rain lightly. After traveling awhile in the rain Bijan noticed a figure on horseback ahead on the road. The figure approached. Seated upon a white steed was a beautiful lady. "It's a woman, and she's topless!" Zahid exclaimed. The rider approached the two companions.

"Hello boys" the woman said, smiling broadly. "For shame!" Zahid cried. "Why are your bosoms uncovered?". Then he reconsidered. "Where you beset by bandits?". "No, I just like the feel of the rain on my bare skin" the woman answered. Bijan was staring at her exposed breasts. But then he noticed her hand. "You have seven fingers" he blurted.

"Yes, on both hands" the lady remarked, holding up her other appendage. Indeed, both of her hands had seven fingers on them. "But I thought you were looking at these". She moved her hands to her breasts, tweaking her nipples with her fingertips. They enlarged as she played with them, becoming much more prominent. Zahid starred as well, mesmerized.

"I am Arwa Iskander, though some call me A.I." the topless woman announced. Then she dismounted. "You like what you see?" she inquired, continuing to tweak her nipples. Bijan and Zahid both nodded their heads, agreeing that they liked what they saw very much. "I bet you boys would like to tag team me, wouldn't you?" the woman asked.

Bijan was about to agree, then he remembered. "No, I do not want any part of this, I am an engaged man!". "Oh, so not yet married" the woman remarked. "Follow me" AI commanded. Both Bijan and Zahid found they were unable to resist and had to comply with the lady's demands.

They followed the woman off the road as the rain subsided. AI grabbed the reigns of her horse. "Bring your pack animal" she said. Zahid grabbed the reigns of Nina and the three (and their steeds) left the road. After a while they came upon a meadow in the middle of the forest. The lady approached Zahid.

"Have you ever lain with a woman?" AI asked. For some reason Zahid felt compelled to complete honesty. "No, I have not, mam" he confessed. The lady licked her lips. "I will enjoy taking your innocence". She smiled. "Now, remove your clothing". Zahid hesitated. But then (and he didn't know why) found himself disrobing. He deeply desired the woman. "You would like to touch these" AI asked, fondling her own breasts again.

Zhaid agreed he would. Bijan tied the horses to a nearby tree, then sat down on a log. He watched as the lady and Zahid made love. "Wouldn't you like to join in?" the lady asked. "NO!" Bijan yelled. "I am engaged". The lady frowned. "Very well, she said". We will not make love. She pointed to her exposed nether region. "You may not insert your qadib here" she proclaimed. Instead, you will insert your lisan. Bijan, who found himself standing directly in front of the nude woman, dropped to his knees involuntarily.

Bijan began to give the woman alfumu aljins. He felt incredibly guilty, but found himself unable to stop. AI moaned with pleasure. Zahid watched as his friend continued to yaleaq the lady's private area. AI squealed as she orgasmed. "I thank thee". AI sighed. "That was delightful. Now you two may depart".

Zahid dressed. He reached for his silver scimitar, a family heirloom. His father said it belonged to his uncle who was an adventurer, though only a moderately successful one. He died while battling a troll. This weapon was passed down to Zahid's father to his son. "I'd rather you not take up adventuring" Zahid's father told him. "But you should have this if your mind is made up". The father presented his son with the silver scimitar. "Your uncle bragged that it was enchanted".

"Leave that" AI instructed Zahid. "You will leave all your belongings" AI said. "That is my wish". Zahid and Bijan agreed they would hand over all their belongings and gear to the lady. They were not sure why, but how could they deny her wish? Bijan and Zahid departed the medow with only the clothes they wore. Bijan handed over his khanjar, as well as a silver locket gifted to him by his grandmother. Then he emptied his pockets, giving the lady the few sliver and copper coins he carried with him. Zahid did the same. Bijan wanted to retrieve his Barb, Nina. But the lady shook her head NO.

A half hour later Bijan and Zahid found themselves walking down the road, still headed toward Fes. "What happened?" Zahid exclaimed, completely bewildered. "I believe we were enchanted" Bijan suddenly realized. He was a bard, though one who yet knew no magick. "That lady was obviously an enchantress" Bijan concluded. Charm magick was a big part of a bard's repertoire.

Then he began to cry for the loss of Nina. "We are failures as adventurers!" he concluded, still sobbing. "Should we turn back?" Zahid asked. "No, we cannot return as failures. We must continue on. Dervish Sanders will help us. We will offer to be his servants if we must. In exchange for training us as adventurers. Then we will seek out that lady and exact our revenge".

Zahid was unsure. "What lady?" he asked. Vaguely he remembered a set of magnificent hooters. But he was unsure exactly what transpired. "I too am having problems remembering" Bijan said. "Except for those beautiful breasts. I remember them very well". The two walked for awhile longer. The sun began to set as they drew nearer to Fes. "She must have cast a spell of forgetfulness" Bijan concluded. Zahid was completely confused. Who was his friend talking about? Who cast a spell of forgetfullness?

 swtd-428. dsa-12.  Previous. Next.