A Message From Roger The Talking Canine

Despite the constant negative press covfefe -- A 6/1/2017 tweet from the Moron-in-chief. Sean Spicer says it wasn't typo, but that "the president and a small group of people know exactly what he meant".

Note that this is a recounting of events that took place the morning following my journey to the land of nightmares. So, sometime in late March of 2017.

"If you meditate on it, you will find that you have the ability to astrally project" Roger told me. This was the morning after I ate some bad pizza and had a nightmare. Much of which I forgot. I did, however, remember taking a bite out of a piece of a delicious deep dish pizza, then discovering, to my horror, that it was squirming with maggots. That was after I encountered a winged dameon in my bedchamber, and later, a talking dog.

"I thought that I dreamt you" I told Roger, the neighborhood dog I met before utilizing the portal (one that took the form of an atramentous orb), presumably to another dimension. Although I couldn't remember what happened after I entered the swirl of inky blackness, a mini black hole that transported me elsewhere. Though I did recall the events that took place before entering the gateway. Including my encounter with a talking canine.

I would have written down my remembrances in the dream journal I kept next to my bed, but the dog that wasn't mine was staring into my eyes when I awoke, which distracted me from my usual practice. And imagine my shock when he spoke! I had assumed it was a dream. Yet here he was, telling me that his name was Roger. Despite the strangeness of a talking canine, I took it in stride. It was nothing compared to my experience of having been abducted by aliens, after all.

"What are you talking about?", I inquired, referring to the suggestion that I was capable of astral projection. Being someone who has played Dungeons & Dragons, I know what astral projection is. It is a method by which an individual can leave their body and travel the multiverse in spirit form.

"I detect within you the ability to astrally project. It isn't something that everyone can do easily. But you? I definitely can sense that you are capable of it". I pondered what this canine was telling me for awhile. In the meantime I got up, put on my robe, went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. "That is interesting" I finally replied. Roger had been following me around as I went about my morning routine, all the while wagging his tail.

"I think you should try it" Roger suggested. "I don't know much about it" I confessed. "I mean, I've heard about it. But I suspect that, in practice, astral projection can't operate the same as in D&D". "You'd be surprised" Roger replied. "Hmm" I muttered, shuffling into the kitchen. There I noted an empty pizza box lying on the floor. "This must be the pizza I dropped last night. Except I only took a bite of one slice". Where did the rest of it go, I wondered.

"Your pizza was very tasty. Thank you for leaving it out for me" Roger barked happily. "But it was covered in maggots" I exclaimed. "I didn't see any maggots" Roger answered. "It was a bit much for me, however. You might want to check behind your couch. Sorry about the pizza barf".

"Ugh" I said, looking at Roger disgustedly. But he did not hang his head in shame. "It's not my fault my eyes were bigger than my stomach. You're the one who left it there", Roger replied, defending himself. While returning my look of disgust. "I was going to offer you some scrambled eggs, but I've changed my mind" I said, taking a pan out of my cupboard and moving to the fridge to get the eggs. First I picked up the empty pizza box and tossed it into the paper recycling bin.

"That's OK, I've got to be going" Roger said, declining my rescinded offer. Then he left, exiting my residence the way (I presume) he entered. Through the dog door. I had a canine previously, but she passed away a few months ago from old age. I was going to ask Roger if he'd like to live with me, but I guess he had other things to do. I rushed to the door to see if he was still there, but I didn't see him anywhere.

Guess I should clean up that barf. At least Roger told me about it, instead of leaving it as a surprise for me to find later. As I ate my scrambled eggs I thought about what Roger has said. I didn't know if I believed what he told me about astral projection. Something I also didn't know was what covfefe was. Suddenly the word or name popped into my head. I think it had something to do with the dream I could only partially remember.

It wasn't until some time later that I heard the word covfefe again. A tweet from the moron Vlad Putin helped steal the 2016 election. It must mean something, but WHAT I don't know. People who report on such things say they think he misspelled coverage. But my remembrance of the word 2 months prior suggested to me it must mean something.

I did look into astral projection a few weeks later. I was browsing in an old book store when I happened across a musty tome. This book appears to be some kind of instruction manual when it come to astral projection I noted, flipping through the book. Plus it said Astra Projection Instruction Manual right on the cover.

"Careful with that" the shop owner shouted at me from behind the register at the front of the store. "That is a very old and very valuable manuscript" he exclamied, approaching me. I could let you have it for $200" the shopkeeper said. "Ah, no thanks" I said, handing the tome to the shop owner. I was interested, but not at that price. "How about $150?" the shop owner countered, seeing the sale slipping away. "I'll give you 20 bucks. Final offer" I countered. "Surely you jest sir. You must not be interested in this historically significant work at all". "Not really" I replied.

Long story short, I got the book for $20, which (I thought at the time) was likely more than it was worth. For several nights I cracked the book and read before drifting off to sleep. It was actually quite interesting. But did it help me astrally project, the ability that Roger was sure I had? The answer is no. I followed the instructions but nothing happened.

Several years passed and the memory of the encounter with the talking dog and his suggestion that I was a natural astral projector faded. I did see Roger running around the neighborhood just recently, but when I called out to him, he gave no indication that he remembered me or that "Roger" was his name. Perhaps it had all been a dream?

It was some time after that night that I received a message from the FBI. Specifically an Agent Smith. Possibly not his real name. Also, possibly not an FBI agent. This person might have been an agent for some other government agency.

The message? That I was being watched. Surveillance that likely ended after d0n-0ld tRump lost the election and Joe Biden was inaugurated. Americans celebrated that day bigly. At the time I thought that meant that d0n-0ld would be investigated swiftly, prosecuted and sent to prison where he belongs. But unfortunately that didn't happen.

But back to my story. Obviously I recovered the memories of what happened after I entered the portal, otherwise I couldn't have written about them on this blog. Also, While you may have expected there would be some astral projecting taking place following my discussion with Roger, this story isn't going to conclude with a successful journey to that plane of existence.

While you might be thinking that is an anticlimactic conclusion for this tale, all I can say is that's what happened. Nothing. Not as far as astrally projecting goes. Not at this point in the story, at least. Although that could happen in a future installment.

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