The First Rule Of Murder Club

Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club -- Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt). A quote from the 1996 film Fight Club.

"You must swear on your life that none of the secrets of the Murder Club will be revealed", a stern looking William Hartenbaum informed his friend Dennis Marks. "Screw that", Vincent Vanderschmit (AKA Voltron) objected. "If you breathe a word of this to anyone I'll personally cut off your ding-a-ling. You'll be like that Theon Greyjoy character on Game of Thrones".

"Don't worry guys" Dennis assured his friends. "I want to get my hands dirty. And if you let me there is no way I can squeal, as I'd be implicating myself". William wasn't sure he agreed with what Voltron said about cutting off privates, but he let it go, seeing as Voltron was their de facto leader.

Dennis was referring to the three friends' murder club. Normally the three members only went after worthless bums that wouldn't be missed, but their new target gave Dennis cause to think back to another unsolved disappearance. "Johnny MooMoo went missing almost two years ago now and nobody knows what became of him", Dennis remembered when William told him they were planning on going after Cliff Thesage.

"Voltron killed Johnny MooMoo and Russ and I helped dispose of the body", William confirmed. "We'll do the same to Cliff", a smirking Voltron said. "But that won't get rid of the shelter", Russ Teafeur disagreed, referring to the fact that Cliff Thesage was only a member of the committee that took over the day-to-day operations of Johnny MooMoo's homeless shelter after he vanished without a trace.

"No, but if we take out enough vagrants I think they'll get the message and stay away" William said, explaining his plan. "Offing Cliff isn't necessary to the plan at all. It's just something Voltron and I decided to do for fun. By the way, it's going to be me that kills him Dennis. You can do as many bums as you want, but Cliff is mine".

"Fine by me", Dennis agreed. "So long as I get to kill some worthless hobo with my bare hands, I'll be more than satisfied". "Well then, welcome to the club", Voltron said, slapping the new member heartily on the back. The four friends then went their separate ways, agreeing to meet up later that evening. "I'll bring the ski masks", William said as everyone departed. "The rest of you bring your usual weapons".

Later that evening the club members met up at their usual location, a secluded clearing in the woods on the property of Slade Leeds. Slade and William were both members of The Higher Ordered Person's Society, although Slade had no clue when it came to all the murdering William was engaged in.

"Our recent encounter with that Dervish degenerate gave me an idea", William said pulling an item out of a shopping bag and holding it up for everyone to see. "A taser" Voltron said, chuckling. "I heard about your encounter with that Liberal think tank scum", Voltron remarked, still laughing. "We had the last laugh", Dennis countered, clearly upset. "He may have tased Tony good, but now he's in the slammer". "Right", William agreed. "But Tony's partner Smurf Jones told me he was suspended after slamming Dervish's head into the ground during the arrest. Apparently, due to a prior concussion Dervish is now in a coma".

"G*d damn it!" an agitated Dennis complained. "I heard about that, and certainly hope it doesn't mean Dervish is going to get off". "Me neither", William agreed. "I heard the think tank Dervish works for is filing a lawsuit against Tannis Protection", William said, referring to the private security firm Tony Hawkins and Smurf Jones worked for (a private security firm given the contract To serve and Protect after the Emergency Financial Manager laid off all the city's police officers).

"It would be travesty if Dervish got rich on top of getting off", Dennis proclaimed. "On the other hand he may be a vegetable for the rest of his life, although I'd prefer he was sent away for a long time and a considerable amount of taking it up the ass", a worried William reasoned. "But enough of this discussion, now we must get on to why we are gathered here this evening".

"That is to initiate Dennis into the Murder Club", Voltron said, interrupting William. "I thought we were going to off that Cliff punk", Dennis confusedly chimed in. "Yes, we'll get to that, but first we need to pop your cherry. Voltron, Russ and I need to be sure you won't wuss out, so we'll ease you into it with a lower value kill", William advised his cohort. "I don't know if I appreciate the lack of confidence, but I'm still game" Dennis replied.

"OK then, it's agreed" a pleased William concluded. After that the four piled into William's pickup truck and they headed back to town. Pulling into a parking garage of a high-rise structure owned by Voltron they switched vehicles, departing minutes later in a nondescript white van with mirrored windows. Two blocks from the homeless shelter William eased over to the curb. "I'm going to park here and we'll wait while Volt picks our target", William instructed Dennis and Russ. "I'll call you using my disposable cell phone when I'm ready" Voltron said, exiting the vehicle and quickly walking away.

About 20 minutes later the call came. William answered his disposable cell. "Time to take out the trash", he heard Voltron say in his ear. "I'm headed back toward the van. OK, now I've turned right and am going east on Pacific", Voltron said, informing William that he was following a target. William started up the van and drove toward the shelter, turning east on Pacific as Voltron instructed.

"There he is", Russ whispered, spotting their hoodie-wearing friend. "I see him" William confirmed, slowing down the vehicle. Voltron looked back, saw the van and started walking faster, catching up to a disheveled looking woman, probably in her 30s. As William pulled up alongside the homeless woman Voltron quickly covered her mouth with a handkerchief.

The woman struggled for awhile before her eyelids fluttered and closed. Russ slid open the van's side door as Voltron scooped up the woman's limp body and stepped inside. Russ quickly slid the door shut and they sped off. "Chloroformed her", Russ said, answering the question Dennis was about to ask.

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