Liberal Shill Reveals Why The Left Hates America

...I have tremendous pride in being a Left-wing Liberal shill. I think that it's a fine thing to be in favor of the people rather than the corporations in America. If you want to call and defend the rights of millionaires and billionaires, or the rights of corporations to trample on us, or the rights of the health insurers to rescind our policies when we get sick, or to say, no we won't insure your kid, that's fine. I'll own up to the fact that I'm on the opposite side of that argument... proudly -- Radio talk show host Thom Hartmann, responding to a Conservative caller's accusation that he was without pride in bashing the Right (The Thom Hartmann Program, 1/6/011).

I ran the title of my latest blog post by my local division chief, Laura Fawkes. "That's a blog post an EX-Liberal would publish", she exclaimed. "You're not planning on leaving the fold, are you?", Laura inquired. "No mam", I said, "it's just that readership at Sleeping with the Devil is way down... I was looking for a headline that would grab people's attention".

"Try something involving sex and the notorious Liberal acceptance of that which is deviant", the division chief suggested. "I apologize, but, even though I'm a Liberal, that kind of thing just isn't second nature for me", I lamented. "Perhaps we should meet later tonight so I can impart some experience which may prove useful in stimulating your creativity".

"There already is a blog that uses that gimmick", I said, turning to leave. "It's called The Stinkhole of Moral Depravity. I can't just copy someone else's blog. I have to do my own thing". "Your loss", said the division chief as her office door swung shut behind me. I slunk back to my office and flicked on the lights. To my surprise, there, sitting at my desk was detective Smurf Jones.

"You again", I exclaimed. "I already told you, I don't know where any of the bodies are buried. The union bosses don't trust me with that information". "Come on", said Jones, "I have it on good authority that you're currently working on a post for your blog which reveals why the Left hates America".

"Exactly how did you come by this information?", I asked, shocked. "Anyway, that title was only meant to draw people into reading my blog, I wasn't really going to reveal why Liberals hate America... because they don't. They love it".

"Sure", Jones remarked sarcastically. "On the other hand, perhaps you're telling the truth... about the title, not that Liberals don't hate America. Because I know for a fact that they do. Anyway, I've been looking over your computer files and see a lot of half completed articles. They all seem to concern the vast Right-wing conspiracy and how Conservatism is ruining America. Typical Liberal crap, in other words", Jones said disgustedly. "Honestly, Liberals make me sick. I was hoping that perhaps you'd come to your senses".

"No such luck, detective". "I'm a Liberal through and through, and will be so till the day I die. And, even though my readers have apparently abandoned me, I'll continue blogging about what I believe in".

"My captain back at Thought Police headquarters somehow got it into his head that Sleeping with the Devil was one of the more prestigious Liberal blogs", detective Jones remarked. "But", Jones continued, "he was obviously wrong. I'm sad to say that this will be the last time I visit you. I've finished my report on your blog and my conclusion is that it sucks and nobody reads it".

"Inconsequential and unworthy of further attention is my report's conclusion", Jones said with a grin on his face. "I'm disappointed that my investigation didn't turn up any dirt, but it always makes my day to put a smug self-righteous Liberal in his place... by letting him know his pathetic blog is a total waste of time. You got a couple of followers but it does not appear as though any of them ever returned after initially adding you to their reading list".

"I'm glad my failure to attract a readership amuses you", I lied. "Perhaps I'll take your advice and shut down Sleeping with The Devil. It's been almost two months since I published anything anyway. If anyone has visited recently they probably concluded that the blog HAD been shuttered".

"I like your defeatist attitude, Liberal". Detective Jones patted me on the shoulder as he exited the room. "That's it, I'm done for the day", I said out loud as I powered down my computer. "The decision regarding whether or not additional blog posts are ever published shall be decided later".

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