Liberal Blogger Harassed by GOP Goons

Truth is condemned as a trap; justice is jeered at; saints are harassed as social enemies. Hence this Incarnation has come to uphold the Truth and suppress the False -- Sathya Sai Baba (b. 11/23/1926) a popular Indian guru, spiritual figure and educator.

"Sorry to hear about your blog", my next door neighbor commented as I stepped out of my office into the hallway. "What do you mean Barry", I asked. "Well, I heard from the local division chief that you were shutting it down", Barry explained. "I haven't decided yet", I replied. "I just authored a new post that received a comment almost immediately".

Barry snickered. "One comment? I think perhaps you should stick with your original decision". I closed the door to my office and locked it, preventing any unauthorized individuals from gaining access. "I thought you said you were sorry Barry. Telling me I should stick with my original decision implies that you'd be glad if I terminated my blog". "Honestly", Barry remarked, "I've had my eye on your office for quite some time. Mine is just a converted storage closet".

"I could use the extra space", Barry continued. "Perhaps I could even hire some of your investigative staff". "My blog's readership is actually increasing, unlike yours". "Let me guess, the member of my staff you're interested in hiring is Janeane? Forget it Barry, you don't have a shot with her. She thinks you're a creep".

"What?!", Barry exclaimed, "I think you just want her for yourself". Barry paused, apparently formulating a thought. Then he said, "you can't eliminate the competition that easily". "Look, Barry, we may be compatriots in the Liberal cause, but, other than that, I've never liked you. I suggest you leave Janeane alone", I said, poking Barry in the chest with my finger. "Or what", Barry inquired, "trying to get me to back off by telling me how you'll cry your eyes out after I bed her won't evoke any sympathy from me".

"As if there is any chance of that happening", I replied. "Now, excuse me, but I've got somewhere else I need to be". I turned away from Barry and walked briskly down the hallway and proceeded down the wide spiral marble staircase. I swiftly crossed the large ornately decorated lobby. Circling the fountain and large granite statue of striking union members, I walked between a pair of towering stone pillars and headed for the front exit.

"Have a nice evening, Mr. Dervish", the security guard politely implored as he opened the door for me. "Thank you very much Frank, you have a very nice night yourself", I replied as I passed though the open doorway and into the courtyard in front of PIF HQ. Out in the parking lot I spotted Detective Smurf Jones leaning against my Ford Focus. "Nice car. I wish I could afford something like this", Jones said, standing up straight. "Unfortunately that's not possible given my public servant wages".

"Jones, I don't understand why you're here", I said, baffled. "I thought you had finished your report on my blog. You're not harassing me on your own time, are you?". "Absolutely not", Jones answered. "I was straight with you when I said my report recommended my division cease its investigation of your blog".

"However", Jones continued, "my captain wasn't convinced. I told him that you were shutting down your blog, but then you went and published another commentary. Also, not that this is any of your business, but I've been temporarily reassigned back to your case. Apparently the brass doesn't like it when you use a rocket launcher to blow up a bus full of nuns".

"Now, wait a minute!" another voice shouted. A man stepped out from behind a nearby topiary and continued talking as he covered the few steps between me, Jones, and the manicured shrub he had been standing behind. "I did NOT blow up a busload of nuns. They had already disembarked when my bazooka accidentally fired". "Yes, only the driver was killed", Jones agreed. "This is my partner, Tony Hawkins", Jones explained, addressing me again.

"Now I've got TWO of you trying to intimidate me?", I inquired incredulously. "Only temporarily, until the investigation regarding the incident at the Canadian border is concluded", answered Hawkins. "Listen, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, nor do I care", I said, opening the door of my Focus using the remote on my keychain. "Now excuse me, gentlemen, but I've got to go". "Not so fast, Liberal", Jones barked, grabbing me by the arm. "We have unfinished business".

Image: A bus explodes after being hit by a rocket fired from a bazooka wielded by Tannis Protection Private Security officer, Tony Hawkins.

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