Liberal Blogger Harassed by GOP Goons

Truth is condemned as a trap; justice is jeered at; saints are harassed as social enemies. Hence this Incarnation has come to uphold the Truth and suppress the False -- Sathya Sai Baba (b. 11/23/1926) a popular Indian guru, spiritual figure and educator.

"Sorry to hear about your blog", my next door neighbor commented as I stepped out of my office into the hallway. "What do you mean Barry", I asked. "Well, I heard from the local division chief that you were shutting it down", Barry explained. "I haven't decided yet", I replied. "I just authored a new post that received a comment almost immediately".

Barry snickered. "One comment? I think perhaps you should stick with your original decision". I closed the door to my office and locked it, preventing any unauthorized individuals from gaining access. "I thought you said you were sorry Barry. Telling me I should stick with my original decision implies that you'd be glad if I terminated my blog". "Honestly", Barry remarked, "I've had my eye on your office for quite some time. Mine is just a converted storage closet".

"I could use the extra space", Barry continued. "Perhaps I could even hire some of your investigative staff". "My blog's readership is actually increasing, unlike yours". "Let me guess, the member of my staff you're interested in hiring is Janeane? Forget it Barry, you don't have a shot with her. She thinks you're a creep".

"What?!", Barry exclaimed, "I think you just want her for yourself". Barry paused, apparently formulating a thought. Then he said, "you can't eliminate the competition that easily". "Look, Barry, we may be compatriots in the Liberal cause, but, other than that, I've never liked you. I suggest you leave Janeane alone", I said, poking Barry in the chest with my finger. "Or what", Barry inquired, "trying to get me to back off by telling me how you'll cry your eyes out after I bed her won't evoke any sympathy from me".

"As if there is any chance of that happening", I replied. "Now, excuse me, but I've got somewhere else I need to be". I turned away from Barry and walked briskly down the hallway and proceeded down the wide spiral marble staircase. I swiftly crossed the large ornately decorated lobby. Circling the fountain and large granite statue of striking union members, I walked between a pair of towering stone pillars and headed for the front exit.

"Have a nice evening, Mr. Dervish", the security guard politely implored as he opened the door for me. "Thank you very much Frank, you have a very nice night yourself", I replied as I passed though the open doorway and into the courtyard in front of PIF HQ. Out in the parking lot I spotted Detective Smurf Jones leaning against my Ford Focus. "Nice car. I wish I could afford something like this", Jones said, standing up straight. "Unfortunately that's not possible given my public servant wages".

"Jones, I don't understand why you're here", I said, baffled. "I thought you had finished your report on my blog. You're not harassing me on your own time, are you?". "Absolutely not", Jones answered. "I was straight with you when I said my report recommended my division cease its investigation of your blog".

"However", Jones continued, "my captain wasn't convinced. I told him that you were shutting down your blog, but then you went and published another commentary. Also, not that this is any of your business, but I've been temporarily reassigned back to your case. Apparently the brass doesn't like it when you use a rocket launcher to blow up a bus full of nuns".

"Now, wait a minute!" another voice shouted. A man stepped out from behind a nearby topiary and continued talking as he covered the few steps between me, Jones, and the manicured shrub he had been standing behind. "I did NOT blow up a busload of nuns. They had already disembarked when my bazooka accidentally fired". "Yes, only the driver was killed", Jones agreed. "This is my partner, Tony Hawkins", Jones explained, addressing me again.

"Now I've got TWO of you trying to intimidate me?", I inquired incredulously. "Only temporarily, until the investigation regarding the incident at the Canadian border is concluded", answered Hawkins. "Listen, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, nor do I care", I said, opening the door of my Focus using the remote on my keychain. "Now excuse me, gentlemen, but I've got to go". "Not so fast, Liberal", Jones barked, grabbing me by the arm. "We have unfinished business".

Image: A bus explodes after being hit by a rocket fired from a bazooka wielded by Tannis Protection Private Security officer, Tony Hawkins.

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Conservatives Are Astonishingly Stupid

During the period 1951-63, when marginal rates were at their peak - 91 percent or 92 percent - the American economy boomed, growing at an average annual rate of 3.71 percent. The fact that the marginal rates were what would today be viewed as essentially confiscatory did not cause economic cataclysm - just the opposite. And during the past seven years, during which we reduced the top marginal rate to 35 percent, average growth was a more meager 1.71 percent ~ Eliot Spitzer (b. 6/10/1959) former Governor of New York and current co-host of the CNN political commentary program "In the Arena", as quoted in his 2/23/2011 Slate magazine article, "Tax Fraud".

Question: What's the difference between a Liberal and a puppy?

Answer: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

The above "joke" is from the "best-selling" book, "365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy", by Libertarian Conservative dumbass James Delingpole. Upon reading the setup I assumed the punch line would mention how puppies are born blind but later open their eyes - unlike Liberals. This is the joke (or some variation of it) I'm sure most people are familiar with. Mr. Delingpole must have never owned a dog, or known anyone who owned a dog. As a pet owner (or pet guardian, as a politically correct Liberal might refer to himself) I can say unequivocally that adult dogs whine - quite frequently, in fact.

Another way a Conservative can drive a Liberal crazy, according to Mr. Delingpole, is to use the words "Oppressive" or "Regressive" instead of "Progressive". Then feign puzzlement when called on their incorrect language usage, asking, "how is it progress to steal free citizens' liberties, money, and hope, and hand it all over to government bureaucrats"?

I'm a subscriber to Mr. Delingpole's newsletter, and every day he sends me an email containing another method by which Conservatives can drive Liberals crazy. Most of them are as stupid (or stupider) than the two provided examples. Delingpoole obviously believes that, to drive a Liberal crazy, one must ignore the advice of Abraham Lincoln who said, "it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt". One Amazon reviewer accurately describes the book as "a celebration of ignorance".

Conservative ignorance is most apparent when it comes to the issue of taxation. For some reason Cons believe that cutting taxes for wealthy individuals is the most effective way to stimulate economic activity. Some of them seem to think that it is the only way. Which is why they insisted tax cuts be a part of the Democrat's stimulus bill - the stimulus bill they almost immediately began to claim had "failed".

In reality it was their tax cuts that failed to produce economic stimulation. Specifically it was (and continues to be) the bush tax cuts that are supressing the recovery. A 3/1/2011 article by Larry Beinhart on Alternet makes the point that "history shows that when spending is cut - in the name of balancing the budget - recessions immediately follow".

When he decided to extend the bush tax cuts for an additional two years President Obama said he had no choice because the Republicans were holding benefits for unemployed people hostage. After the Republicans got the tax cuts for the rich they had demanded (significantly increasing the deficit in the process) Congress repealed DADT and passed a number of other pieces of significant legislation in the lame duck session.

Politically moderate citizens across the nation rejoiced at what they (incorrectly) perceived as bipartisanship - and the president's popularity increased. Unfortunately what they apparently did not realize is the fact that the "compromise" actually sabotaged the prospect of an economic recovery.

On the 11/4/2010 broadcast of the Thom Hartmann Radio Program economist Ravi Batra said "3 or 4 months ago... [I] said to you that, if the government spending stays where it is we'll be stuck at the bottom, and we'll stabilize at the bottom. And that is essentially what we are seeing. Even now there are layoffs in the economy, although there is some growth. But now that we have this new leadership from the Tea Party and the Republicans... They're going to put even more constraints on government spending, and I think a double-dip is for sure now".

Taxes are at a historical low, and the deficit and national debt are at an all-time high. The last Republican administration passed their tax cuts (which went primarily to the wealthy) at a time when we had a budget SURPLUS. Then they spent trillions on two (illegal) wars. Finally, financial deregulation, as championed by Conservatives, lead to a housing bubble burst which brought our economy to it's knees.

Even though they are still pro-tax cutting, pro-war, and pro-deregulation, they believe continued high unemployment can be solely attributed to President Obama and the Democrats. Either the Republicans are astonishingly stupid or this is all part of a long running plan to impoverish the middle class and funnel even more money into the hands of the upper one percent.

Apparently the American people are that stupid. Many of the voters who helped elect Barack Obama in 2008 didn't bother showing up to rebuke the Republicans in the 2010 mid-term. Disillusioned moderate and Tea Party idiots were duped by Koch-funded "grassroots" organizations into showing up and voting against their own interests, which allowed the Republicans to seize control of the House and proclaim the American people had sent a message. The message was we needed to do more of the same shit (cut taxes and spending) that brought about the recession to begin with!

This is why the Cons have been circulating the ridiculous conspiracy theory which suggests it was progressives who are responsible for the 2008 crash. It wasn't excessive tax cuts, two lengthy wars, or deregulation that we can attribute the downturn to - the reason we are in a recession is because Democrats forced Fanny Mae, Freddie Mac, and private banks to give risky mortgages to irresponsible poor people.

Now they're setting up another economic downturn which they will blame on the President and the Democrats. The mind-blowing thing is that their strategy to win back the White House in 2012 may work. I think the chance of a president Palin or Bachman are quite low, but what about President Romney or Pawlenty (who Lawrence O'Donnell of MSNBC's "The Last Word" believes will be the GOP nominee). Whoever the Republican challenger is, they will be, without doubt, a worse choice that our current president. Yet, some Democratic voters say there isn't much difference between the two parties. Some may vote for a third party candidate (who can NOT win), or stay home (in which case the Republican WILL win).

I've seen comments on a number of progressive blogs expressing disappointment with Obama. He isn't a Socialist and he surely isn't the most Liberal president ever. He's a moderate corporate-appeasing Democrat at best. But this does NOT mean progressives should HELP elect a Republican president (by throwing their vote away)! To my fellow progressives I say, if this course of action isn't astonishingly stupid, it is at least an exceedingly bad idea.

SWTD #64

The War on Terror Babies

It's a really convoluted and time-consuming way to wage jihad, to be sure, but when your goal is to destroy Western Civilization, you'll stop at nothing -- Tim Murphy of Mother Jones Magazine; as quoted in his 3/16/2011 article, "The Return of the Terror Babies".

"Hey! Careful, you almost knocked over my abortion!" detective Tony Hawkins shouted at the intern who had just rudely bumped his desk. "That was a personal gift from the Representative" Hawkins bellowed at the cowering teenager. "Easy, the kid didn't do it on purpose" his partner Smurf Jones cautioned.

"If anything happens to this" he said, pointing to the jar on his desk, "I'm going to hold you personally responsible, runt" Hawkins growled, grabbing the frightened youngster by the collar. "Yes, sir" the intern squeaked, his prepubescent voice cracking. "You see to it", said Hawkins, releasing him.

The intern scurried off. "You know" Jones said, "the abortion Representative Ghomert was referring to was ObamaCare, and not an actual human fetus in a jar. That thing on your desk couldn't possibly have come from the Representative". "Well" Hawkins replied, "The messenger that delivered it said it was from Ghomert's office". "And", he continued, "there's a personal message attached. It says, to my favorite TP detective, yours truly, LG".

"Whatever" said Jones, "I think it's disgusting and you should get rid of it". "That's the point" Hawkins explained, "Abortion isn't pretty. This specimen would have grown up to become a contributing member of society, if some murderous Liberal hadn't convinced its poor mother to terminate it".

"Can we go already?" Jones asked. "Just let me grab my bazooka" Hawkins replied, striding across the precinct room floor toward the weapons locker. Later, after he had retrieved his weapon, he met up with Jones outside the station. Hawkins slammed down the cruiser's trunk (after placing his weapon inside) and then slid into the front seat.

"Representative Gohmert is counting on us", Hawkins informed his partner. "This is a top secret mission straight from Washington" he continued, "my Canadian contact believes a busload of pregnant Muslim females may be attempting to cross over sometime in the next several days".

"Dirty Canadian socialists" Jones muttered under his breath. "It's not much better here", Hawkins agreed, "at least the last election went a ways to setting things straight". "Without ACORN to steal votes they can't win" Jones remarked. "What I wouldn't give to be the one who personally slaps the cuffs on the Kenyan and escorts him from the White House" Hawkins replied.

"Are you forgetting that ObamaCare was recently ruled unconstitutional?" Jones asked his partner. "At most he'll be president for two more years. Thanks to the efforts of the Tea Party he won't be able to run again in 2012. So far 11 states have proposed legislation requiring proof of citizenship from anyone running for POTUS in their state".

"From your lips to God's ears" Hawkins sighed. "The long national nightmare is close to being over. And with a Republican-controlled House to hold him in check the poser can't do any more damage while he illegally occupies the White House. The only thing I'm worried about is funding for our special task force", Hawkins continued. "Or I would be, if funding for our department was actually on the books". Both Hawkins and Jones laughed. "That's a good one" Jones said with tears in his eyes. Then they drove, arriving at the Canadian border approximately 13 hours later.

"You book us a room while I make contact with my informant" Hawkins told his partner. "Will do" said Jones. He checked in and waited. A half-hour later Hawkins returned. "Here's the scoop" Hawkins said, filling his partner in. "My contact believes a bus full of nuns that crossed the border yesterday was a dry run for the terror baby plot". "That's good news", Jones grinned, "I'm looking forward to nailing these bitches. And by nail I mean arrest, not have sex with". "You said it, partner" Hawkins agreed. "We'll deport the Godless Muslim whores back to Islamistan, or whatever third-world hellhole they originated from".

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Liberal Shill Reveals Why The Left Hates America

...I have tremendous pride in being a Left-wing Liberal shill. I think that it's a fine thing to be in favor of the people rather than the corporations in America. If you want to call and defend the rights of millionaires and billionaires, or the rights of corporations to trample on us, or the rights of the health insurers to rescind our policies when we get sick, or to say, no we won't insure your kid, that's fine. I'll own up to the fact that I'm on the opposite side of that argument... proudly -- Radio talk show host Thom Hartmann, responding to a Conservative caller's accusation that he was without pride in bashing the Right (The Thom Hartmann Program, 1/6/011).

I ran the title of my latest blog post by my local division chief, Laura Fawkes. "That's a blog post an EX-Liberal would publish", she exclaimed. "You're not planning on leaving the fold, are you?", Laura inquired. "No mam", I said, "it's just that readership at Sleeping with the Devil is way down... I was looking for a headline that would grab people's attention".

"Try something involving sex and the notorious Liberal acceptance of that which is deviant", the division chief suggested. "I apologize, but, even though I'm a Liberal, that kind of thing just isn't second nature for me", I lamented. "Perhaps we should meet later tonight so I can impart some experience which may prove useful in stimulating your creativity".

"There already is a blog that uses that gimmick", I said, turning to leave. "It's called The Stinkhole of Moral Depravity. I can't just copy someone else's blog. I have to do my own thing". "Your loss", said the division chief as her office door swung shut behind me. I slunk back to my office and flicked on the lights. To my surprise, there, sitting at my desk was detective Smurf Jones.

"You again", I exclaimed. "I already told you, I don't know where any of the bodies are buried. The union bosses don't trust me with that information". "Come on", said Jones, "I have it on good authority that you're currently working on a post for your blog which reveals why the Left hates America".

"Exactly how did you come by this information?", I asked, shocked. "Anyway, that title was only meant to draw people into reading my blog, I wasn't really going to reveal why Liberals hate America... because they don't. They love it".

"Sure", Jones remarked sarcastically. "On the other hand, perhaps you're telling the truth... about the title, not that Liberals don't hate America. Because I know for a fact that they do. Anyway, I've been looking over your computer files and see a lot of half completed articles. They all seem to concern the vast Right-wing conspiracy and how Conservatism is ruining America. Typical Liberal crap, in other words", Jones said disgustedly. "Honestly, Liberals make me sick. I was hoping that perhaps you'd come to your senses".

"No such luck, detective". "I'm a Liberal through and through, and will be so till the day I die. And, even though my readers have apparently abandoned me, I'll continue blogging about what I believe in".

"My captain back at Thought Police headquarters somehow got it into his head that Sleeping with the Devil was one of the more prestigious Liberal blogs", detective Jones remarked. "But", Jones continued, "he was obviously wrong. I'm sad to say that this will be the last time I visit you. I've finished my report on your blog and my conclusion is that it sucks and nobody reads it".

"Inconsequential and unworthy of further attention is my report's conclusion", Jones said with a grin on his face. "I'm disappointed that my investigation didn't turn up any dirt, but it always makes my day to put a smug self-righteous Liberal in his place... by letting him know his pathetic blog is a total waste of time. You got a couple of followers but it does not appear as though any of them ever returned after initially adding you to their reading list".

"I'm glad my failure to attract a readership amuses you", I lied. "Perhaps I'll take your advice and shut down Sleeping with The Devil. It's been almost two months since I published anything anyway. If anyone has visited recently they probably concluded that the blog HAD been shuttered".

"I like your defeatist attitude, Liberal". Detective Jones patted me on the shoulder as he exited the room. "That's it, I'm done for the day", I said out loud as I powered down my computer. "The decision regarding whether or not additional blog posts are ever published shall be decided later".

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