The Unfortunate Tale Of A Mind That Raced To Idiocy

What makes stupidity really insufferable is that it is forever in action -- idiocy knows no rest -- Source of quote unknown.

Turning onto a dirt footpath, Doctor Edwin Meyers decided to cut through the park. He had just gotten a call from the secretary at his psychiatric practice (located on the premises of a local hospital), that his attentions were needed there as soon as possible. He had been on his lunch break at a nearby café, but that now had to be cut short. He finished his arugula-topped tofu burger just as he crossed the square in the middle of the park where a bubbling fountain spurted water several feet into the air before splashing back to earth in a tiled reflecting pool.

Another footpath and the good doctor would be just across the street from where he worked. He was about halfway there when a trench-coat-wearing bald headed man sporting a ponytail stepped out from behind a large bush. "Care to take a look" the man said, opening his coat to reveal his naked body. The doctor stopped short, not wanting to run into a nude man. "If you like what you see I would appreciate it if you could LIKE me on Facebook" the man said. "My name is Dennis Marks, by the way".

Edwin could not help but stare directly at the man's crotch, given the fact that what he saw there was a sight to behold. Or the lack of a sight to behold, as the case most certainly was. "I'd be willing to recommend a doctor that could help you with your condition" the doctor remarked, taking pity on the man. "Huh?" Dennis asked, oblivious to what condition the man he had just flashed might be referring. "What are you talking about? Are you not impressed by the sight of my huge wang?" he asked, pointing to his nether region.

"Hmmm... delusional too. Here, take my card and call me if you decide (as you should) that you need help" Doctor Myers counseled, handing Dennis his credentials printed on a small rectangular piece of card stock. Then, when the man simply stood there with a stupid look on his face, Doctor Meyers pushed past him and continued down the path. Soon he was back at the hospital. Crossing the street Meyers descended a staircase to his basement office. Entering the reception area Edwin's secretary immediately noticed him. "Lester Nation the 4th is waiting for you" she said, pointing toward the waiting area to the right.

Edwin turned and saw a young dark-haired man with a closely cropped beard. He was wearing a leather biker's jacket. The man, who had previously been sitting on the couch in the waiting area, stood and extended his hand. Shaking the hand of the junior Lester, Edwin greeted him. "Hello, Mr. Nation. I am the doctor you spoke with earlier this morning on the phone... in regards to your father".

"Yes, my father" the fourth Lester replied. "I don't understand how he ended up in the psychiatric ward". The younger Nation looked quite confused. "I will explain everything" the doctor assured him. "First, I see you have completed the insurance forms?". Edwin was referring to a stack of papers clipped to the clipboard Lester was holding. "Yes" Lester confirmed, handing the stack of papers to the doctor. "Good, good" Edwin replied, accepting the forms. "Now, will you not join me in my office where we can discuss this in private?". "Certainly" the still-confused 4th Lester Nation agreed.

In the office the doctor sat behind his desk and his guest Lester Nation the 4th seated himself in a chair facing Edwin. "I must regretfully inform you that your father has had a complete break with reality" Edwin somberly informed the junior Nation. "Surely you were aware of his split personality disorder?" "Yes" Lester4 admitted, "but dad was on medication for his condition, and doing quite well I might add".

Edwin took in what the son of the man he was treating said. "Hmmm. I don't know the reason, but your father has retreated completely into his alternate personality. Ever since the police delivered him to the hospital several days ago he has been insisting that his name isn't Lester Nation the 3rd, but an individual named Steve".

"It actually took us some time to locate you, as your father came to us without any identification on him. And, of course he kept saying his name was Steve. As for a last name, he added that other than Steve, he wanted to remain anonymous. Also, he kept talking about how proud he was about being a complete shithead on the blog of someone named Joe Kelly. That is how we finally discovered who your father actually is. One of the nurses hit upon the idea of searching on the name Joe Kelly, and some obscure blog called Truth 101 came up. I won't bore you with the details, but, suffice to say it was through that blog that we were able to discern your father's actual identity".

"This Steve seems to be quite a violent individual, so at this time I am not going to recommend releasing your father into your custody. He's back on his medications, but they don't seem to be having an effect" the doctor sadly informed Lester3's son. "Can I see him please?" Lester4 asked. "Of course. In fact, seeing his son might jolt him back into reality". Edwin stood and said, "I'll show you the way".

Edwin guided Lester4 to a padded room a short distance from his office. "Be aware that he may not recognize you" Edwin cautioned, opening the door. In front of them a wild-eyed gray-haired man was strapped to a gurney. "I must have access to the internet" the slobbering spittle-flecked man shouted when he saw the doctor. "It's my duty to call out the Anti-Semites and hate bloggers that have infested cyberspace" he added, this time whimpering.

Then, seeing Lester4 his eyes lit up. "Help me, please" the drooling maniac pleaded. "This crazy doctor thinks I'm some shithead named Lester Nation the 3rd. I know that guy and I can assure you that I am not him. Lester Nation is one of the anti-Semite hate bloggers it is my sworn duty to call out". Kneeling down next to the gurney, a concerned Lester Nation the 4th attempted to reach his demented father. "It's your son, dad. Your name is Lester Nation the 3rd".

"Aaaahhhh!!!" the restrained bug-eyed Lester/Steve screamed, spraying his son's face with salivia. "F*ck you, son of Lester!" he screeched, suddenly lunging toward his progeny. Opening his mouth wide Lester/Steve bit down hard on his son's neck, tearing out a huge chunk of flesh. Blood gushed freely from Lester4's shredded jugular. Seconds later Lester4 passed out due to blood loss. Edwin Meyers hit the panic button located on the wall near the door and a nurse responded.

Several minutes later an unconscious Lester4 was loaded onto a hospital gurney for transport to the hospital upstairs. "He's stable and should survive, but he'll need a transfusion" a nurse from the medical hospital above observed as they rolled the gurney down the hall to the elevator. The elevator doors shut and Edwin returned to the padded room where he found Lester/Steve still laughing manically. "Sedate the patient" an angry and annoyed Edwin instructed his assistant.

 swtd-208. pif-22.  Previous. Next.