"I'm going to fillet and consume you!" Kamala Harris, razor-sharp butcher knife in hand, screamed. She was insane with rage, determined to murder the innocent and beloved Peanut, an internet sensation. What she didn't realize was that Peanut's best friend, the 45th and 47th president of the United States, was nearby.
Seeing the knife-wielding maniac barreling toward him, Peanut squealed in terror. Luckily his buddy d0n0ld tRump was taking a nap under an elm tree growing on the Nonprofit Animal Rescue known as Peanut's Freedom Farm. Peanut's cries jolted d0n0ld from his siesta. Quickly and nimbly he leapt to his feet and snatched up the squirrel. Kamala started slashing, but d0n0ld deftly dodged her wild hacks.
"d0n0ld!" Kamala screeched. She of course knew that her nemesis d0n0ld and Peanut were lifelong best friends. Which is why she decided Peanut had to die. The hope was that d0n0ld would be overcome with despair when he found out his friend was dead. Then he would drop out of the potus race, to grief-stricken too continue seeking the presidency.
It was the only way Kamala could win. Even given the massive cheating effort currently underway. The American people were simply turning out too bigly for Democrat vote fraud to assure her victory. Killing her opponent's best friend could give her the advantage. Also, she was curious to discover what squirrel tasted like. Kamala had expected d0n0ld to be campaigning, which is why she flew to New York on that morning. It just seemed like a perfect day for homicide.
Kamala screamed again, frustrated that d0n0ld was there when he should not be. Having left his gun at home, d0n0ld was defenseless. Cursing Kamala, he knew his duty was to keep his friend safe, so he turned and ran. Being fleet of foot, d0n0ld was able to save Peanut! He ran like the wind and left Kamala Harris in the dust. She was only armed with a knife, and therefore d0n0ld and Peanut got away safely.
Thinking Kamala had given up, d0n0ld departed. Little did he know that Kamala was extremely determined to assassinate Peanut and Fred, two innocent critters for whom her hatred burned intensely. Why she returned later with a gun and blew Fred's brains out. She would have used her gun to murder Peanut as well, but he had already been taken into custody by Kathy Hochul's jackbooted thugs.
It seems a libtard witch whined when she saw the world-famous squirrel online. "Peanut should be free, not held captive by a human" the libtard shrew determined. That libtard was Kathy Hochul. She was very angry when she saw Peanut performing his antics on the internet.
"Keeping wildlife as a pet is not permitted in New York. He must be removed from the residence and returned to his natural habitat". Hochul fumed. Then she made a phone call to the head of the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation (DEC). "Arrest the rodent" she instructed.
Peanut was locked up. No call to his lawyer was permitted. No opportunity to be released on bail was allowed. Later, in court, Judge Sicko pronounced his sentence. "Based on the testimony of the DEC agent you bit, I hereby sentence you, Peanut the squirrel, to death. Obviously you have rabies".
The Democrat judge smirked. This was the part of his job he enjoyed the most. Inflicting misery on supporters of d0n0ld tRump, which Peanut's captors were. He was sure. Though he was unaware that Peanut and the about-to-be-reelected maga predisent, d0n0ld tRump, were besties. If he had known? Then pronouncing that Peanut should die would have filled him with great joy. As opposed to the mild happiness he currently felt.
"He will be euthanized at dawn" the evil Democrat judge proclaimed. "Then we will test his brain matter. To confirm the self-evident fact that he is infected with the rabies virus". The judge glared at the squirrel. Peanut was quivering in fear. Yes, the judge decided. He could definitely see that Peanut was foaming at the mouth. "Get him out of here!" Sicko roared, suddenly concerned the squirrel would lunge at him and possibly tear his throat out.
A Democrat animal-hating DEC employee filled a syringe. "Nighty night" he said, chuckling. Then he injected Peanut with the deadly poison. "Wait!" Kathy Hochul (who had been watching) suddenly cried. "The Vice President, Kamala Harris is here, and she wants to euthanize Peanut herself". "It's too late" the DEC employee informed the governor.
"Is there an antidote? If so, administer it. We will kill Peanut twice!" Hochul exclaimed, smiling. And so Peanut was revived and then injected with poison a second time. This time it was fatal. Kamala smiled and laughed as she stabbed Peanut with the needle. "This has been a very good day" she proclaimed when Peanut gasped his last breath. "tRump will be devastated".
"Why is that?" Kathy Hochul inquired. "Simply because he is an animal lover?" the governor asked, referring to the well-know fact that d0n0ld tRump loves all of God's creatures. But this was a squirrel and not man's best friend. "Everyone knows the deep affection the former president has for canines, but why would he care about a squirrel?" Hochul said, looking confused.
Kathy Hochul was delighted when the Vice president informed her that Peanut and d0n0ld were the best of friends. "Some people say Peanut and d0n0ld are soul mates", Kamala informed Kathy. "Really?" Hochul said. "Yes, it is true. d0n0ld considers Peanut to be like a brother to him" Harris revealed. "Not many people know, but it's completely true".
As per jd Vance, a single tear ran down d0n0ld's face when he found out. Being an Alpha Male, he buried his unbearable sorrow deep down and channeled his rage into the campaign. "We will win this for Peanut" he vowed. "Those responsible for murdering my friends Peanut and Fred will pay dearly. I will dedicate my 2nd term to ensuring all those involved are brought to justice".
"Wow, that's quite the tall tale" Doctor Edwin Meyers Jr remarked. His patient, a man named end0, scowled. "What do you mean?" he asked. end0 sensed the psychiatrist wasn't buying his story. "I swear it's true" end0 protested. I read all about it on Robby Starbuck's X page.
"Well, there is no antidote to pentobarbital" Meyers informed his patient. Edwin could see the nutter was confused. "It's the drug used to euthanize animals. That is but one reason why your story could not be true". "It is true!" end0 insisted. "And there is definitely no way you could possibly convince me otherwise!".
"I'm going to increase your dosage of Seroquel" the doctor said, scribbling on a prescription pad. "OK" end0 replied, seemingly agreeing. But he had no intention of taking the antipsychotic drug. Why should he? There was absolutely nothing wrong with him, as far as his mental health was concerned.
The only reason he had agreed to sessions with Dr. Meyers was because the authorities insisted. That, or he could have chosen to be locked up for an extended stay at a state-run mental institution. But that was avoided when his husband agreed to pay for him to get treatment from this quack. But he didn't need any antipsychotic medications, given the fact that he was 100 percent sane.
Democrats are pure evil. That was how end0 knew Kamala Harris was personally responsible for the murder of Peanut the squirrel and Fred the raccoon. She wanted them dead and was directly involved in putting them down. As Slugga told him, "The tragic tale of Peanut the Squirrel is Kamala's America in a nutshell".
Note: Civil Service employees following state regulations removed Peanut and Fred from Mark Longo's home and euthanized them. I disagree with this decision. Neither NY Governor Kathy Hochul nor Vice President Kamala Harris had anything to do with what happened or were even aware of it. Civil Service jobs are not political appointments. Civil Service employees are not hired on the basis of political alignment. The people who made this decision (following NY State regulations) could have been either Democrats or Republicans.
swtd-433. pif-25. Previous. Next.
