"Hehehehe", Joe Truth chuckled quietly as his Liberal buddy Dervish ran away. "Damn", Joe swore. "I should have lied when Dervish asked if this was an arranged meeting with William Hartenbaum". Joe sighed as he watched Dervish exit the restaurant, rudely departing before William arrived. Joe checked his watch, noting that it was actually a few minutes past the time he had instructed William to make his surprise entrance.
"William will be disappointed that our little joke has been spoiled", Joe lamented, suddenly feeling quite sleepy. "Must be due to all the alcohol I've consumed", Joe reasoned, pushing his plate aside, placing his folded arms there, then resting his head on his arms. "I think I'll rest my eyes for awhile", Joe decided.
Sound asleep, Joe dreamed his practical joke went off without a hitch. Instead of running away, Dervish stayed and met with William Hartenbaum. "I admit that I was wrong regarding the issue over which I banned you from my blog", William said, possibly lying. "In any case, we shouldn't allow our online disagreements to preclude us from being friends, if not at least friendly in real life", William passionately argued.
"You said I was the most intellectually dishonest person you've ever had to deal with", an angry Dervish protested. "If that statement is what you're saying you were wrong about, and you agree to publish a public retraction and apology on your blog - then I might be willing to let bygones be bygones".
"OK, now we're getting somewhere", an ecstatic Joe Truth remarked. "I knew that, as Ambassador of Blogistan, I could negotiate a détente between you two. Now I only need to convince Dervish that William is actually a closet liberal". "That isn't going to happen", Dervish stated firmly, "as it would involve me denying reality, and that isn't in the cards tonight gentlemen". Joe Truth looked confused. "This I simply do not understand. How can you possibly say William isn't a Lefty in regards to most issues?"
"That is what *I* simply do not understand", Dervish countered. "You read his blog. I've seen your comments. In his two most recent posts he argued against global climate change and in favor of nuclear energy. I admit there are some on the Left that think nuclear power is an answer when it comes to reducing carbon emissions, but, for the most part, these are NOT Liberal positions. Most Liberals acknowledge there is a scientific consensus on global warming. And most Liberals, especially given the ongoing Fukushima disaster, acknowledge that nuclear power is insanely dangerous and not worth the risk - even if it's carbon emissions were zero, which they are NOT, contrary to what William claims".
"He really said that?", an astonished Joe Truth exclaimed. William Hartenbaum nodded his head. "I did indeed. And I quoted the scientists and facts to back up my positions. I am a strong skeptic when it comes to global climate change. I also believe that nuclear power is quite safe". Joe stared at his friend in disbelief.
"This, I did not expect. If that is the case I have no choice but to say that, William, you're a nasty, deluded denier of facts and data that don't jive with your flawed conservative views. Quite frankly I think you hate real America while deluding yourself with propaganda from the right wing outlets you are addicted to".
"Seriously? That is an extreme about face" William replied, his feelings obviously hurt. "Yes", Joe Truth confirmed. "Even given your views on marriage equality and allowing the bush tax cuts to expire, I think climate change denial definitely disqualifies you from being a Liberal".
"That is something I never claimed to be", William declared, standing. "I think this negotiation has concluded", William said, a ting of anger in his voice. "I am neither nasty nor deluded. I am a reasonable minded moderate. And quite proud to not belong to either of the extremist camps on the Left or the Right. GOOD DAY"... with that William stormed off.
"I guess I was wrong about him", Truth said after a moment of silence. "Do you think you can forgive me", Truth asked his former friend. "Absolutely buddy", Dervish answered. "Just don't allow yourself to be fooled by Hartenbaum again". "That is something I will absolutely not do", Joe affirmed. "I don't know how I could have been so stupid. But my eyes are open now. I will never doubt your judgment again Dervish".
With that pronouncement all was forgiven, and Joe Truth and Dervish were friends once more. But what Dervish did not know was that Joe only called William names to trick Dervish into liking him again. Joe smiled - his deception had worked exactly as he had envisioned it! He imagined Dervish's shock when he went back to insisting William was a closet Liberal in the future. He wasn't sure why, but it sure was fun screwing with Dervish.
When the expensive bottle of wine was nearly gone Joe ordered some fancy flaming desserts. After consuming the chocolate treats Joe bid his friend adieu, giving him a big hug. "I'm so happy we could bury the hatchet", Joe said, almost weeping... although he was really crying tears of joy, imagining how much fun he would have knifing his supposed friend in the back.
Joe Truth woke abruptly. Looking around the nearly deserted restaurant, it gradually came back to him... Dervish had left before his scheme had reached it's conclusion. If only his dream was how things had really gone down! Just then he saw the hostess walking toward him. "I see you're awake Mr. Truth. We are about to close. Should I call you a cab?"
"No", Joe replied. "I'll be on my way. Oh, and please put a 15 percent tip for my waiter on my tab", Joe added, his stomach unexpectedly feeling a little queasy. "I think I'll visit the restroom first", Joe informed the hostess, suddenly desperate. Upon reaching the men's room Truth burst into a stall and upchucked his entire meal into the toilet bowl. "Geez", a disgusted Truth grumbled. "I wonder what the heck caused that?"